Collective racial trauma & my part in the movement.

Over this past weekend another Black man was lynched by police but in an extraordinarily cruel way, by kneeling. A white man kneeled on a black man to kill him on Memorial Day.

What else can I say about this?

That this is generational white trauma expressing itself. The same people who rode into town wearing white robes and  burning crosses and shouting their propaganda to save the Aryan race in America have passed down their belief systems and opinions to the following generations.This belief has been fortified and has become more sophisticated. It's no longer as blatant as wearing sheets and torches  on horses and burning crosses, but it more subtle and backed by institutions. It's now board meetings and policy writers, the sheets are now uniforms and suits and EVEN regular clothes now. 

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..weeks later...

The streets in every single state in America are filled with protests. The lynching of George Floyd set the momentum of collective fed up-ness...Black Lives Matter marches start up again. Not only are we in the middle of recovering from a pandemic but now we are breaking the Quarantine and Stay-Home effect by spilling into the streets. LA had over 100,000 people in the streets. I was ignited to see so many people coming together for a cause but also triggered by seeing so many people coming together during a pandemic. I honor that spirit for standing for something in the face of a health threat. I have that in me but instead of taking to the streets this time (I have had my fair share of marches and protests) I want to dive deeper into wellness and solution based modalities. I want to dive in the architecture of this NEW America everyone is fighting for. What does it even look like? What is the mindset and mentality? What has died and what is the replacement? I'm all about the FIGHT, I have a warrior spirit- in spite my gentle friendly demeanor, I feel a ferocious warrior inside always ready for battle. I want to hone in my spirit to make sure that it is ALWAYS the GOOD fight, untainted by ego's urges and fears. 

In this quarantine, I realized that so much surfaced. So many ugly outdated thought patterns and belief systems that were deeply engrained in the fabric of my being. I felt sorrow because I realized that those coping mechanism, belief systems and thought patterns that genuinely worked so long for me, no longer serve me and they are actually NOW detrimental to my growth. Coping mechanisms like completely distancing in order to protect myself ( not feeling safe), believing that I am here for others and to be a joyous servant solely for other people's comfort and happiness, and the MotherLoad: wanting to please EVERYONE. Belief systems are engrained deeply in our circuitry, it influences our thoughts, emotions, and actions. In a sense it creates who we are- our personality. As endearing and unique these things may be, they aren't truly WHO WE ARE. We are ever changing every evolving beings- capable of the worst and the best. I truly now understand what it means to be the captain of your ship. I have no control over anyone outside of myself, and GET THIS, no one has any control over me in return. That is terrifying because WHO do we put the responsibility on?-Ourselves. and because of that, it is FREEING...