Or, it will just resume, business as usual. *kanye shrug*
Whoa! but wasn't Broadway always my dream? YES....but once I peeked behind the curtain when I was graced with an opportunity to sing & dance in a couple houses, it was much harder and more complicated than I thought. I understood the caliber of greatness & the level of ferocious talent that is required but I also found so many layers & politics on so many levels...and this underlying cut throat scarce energy that there isn't enough work for BIPOC actors and that the ones who DO make it are apart of an elite club but even within that club is the cut throated-ness of knowing that anyone is replaceable chokes the feeling of joyful ease knowing that your work is enough...*gasps*...perhaps, this is my own fear. Perhaps I am just heartbroken from one to many rejections from Broadway auditions after seeing so many friends get shows I was passed up for time and time again, only to lose faith in myself... sigh...I am working on that in my therapy, but I have to say, the culture doesn't really foster that well-beingness.
BUT...lest I forget, it's the JOY of the WORK, Allison. Its MY personal experience of sharing what it means to be a human being, my unique perspective, and the telling & living that experience...THAT is the art. That is the work. The artful sharing of the experience of what it means to be a human being. AND GEEZ, I cannot put all that responsibility in Broadway. I can't put all that responsibility in plays and musicals and shows that aren't written or created with MY life experience and personality in mind. I have only played characters that I saw outside of myself. In BOTH Broadway shows, I was replacing an actress and/or playing someone who already existed. I was fitting the mold in a sense, and I am learning as a student of acting that it is our duty to bring OURSELVES authentically & consistently to the role. Not just as an artist but as an Allison....
***stares off into existential wonder**
