I finally have my office decorated. I feel like I accomplished something.
I did my hair...I like how it looks...its a tapered twist-out. I'm figuring out how to transition out of this awkward phase and take a break from the weave.
My WiFi was slow and I kept dropping out of my Zoom calls (for acting class & giving voice lessons) and something snapped inside. My life is in shambles. Or at least it feels like it.
I got off Instagram for a month because I was overwhelmed by the noise and the constant comparing. The month is almost over and I don't miss it. If anything, I can go on Twitter or Facebook. Its all the same.
But I got off in hopes to reconnect to something that felt real and natural and free from the millions of opinions of others. I feel a release of that burden.
But now I don't have an escape to scroll away too. I have to deal with the very real now.
What is the "real now"?
I am unemployed and have been this entire year.
I have no clue about Los Angeles culture yet I've been here for 8 months already.
I've had less than 5 auditions all year
I feel myself getting older...I'm getting closer and closer to 40
I don't own anything
My student loans are growing
I'm homesick
Nothing is familiar
People are dying everywhere
No one has the answers
My WiFi is spotty
I feel like a failure right now. I'm disappointed with what I see online about this society. And I haven't danced or sang in what feels like forever. It feels like I am dying.
But what I am grateful for is to breathe without a ventilator.
